he once stood tall (explici t)



He once stood tall ( explicit comedy )

In my young years I was full of stamina , full of pep

There wasn’t a girl that I couldn’t get.

With every girl it would stand at attention

So I had to keep it locked up in the house of detention ( jock strap )

Now he is old and his head hangs down

But in my shorts he still can be found.

When once before he was a prize

Now he’s shrunk to half his size

He can still march to the beat , if he stops looking at my feet.

Once he was a warrior who could push his way between two walls

Now I must hold him so he won’t fall.

Yet he tries to talk to me by picking up his head

But I know his words are dead.

Like a flower he has withered and died

And for him I do cry.

Once he used to travel thru the bush

To get into that nice warm tush.

OH ! The pains and memories of once long ago

When he stood up and put on a show.

Now he is old, feeble and weak

And will never get back to his peak.

It’s time to give him his last rites

For seventy three years he put up a fight.


The RACONTEUR in me has come in his glory

To give you another comical story.



taking time off

i’m taking some time off- need to get away, all work and no play
i have to relax and clear my mind- must leave the job behind.
need to relax and lay out on the beach
have to find “some relief.”
fill my cooler with a six pack and some wine
and under the umbrella i’ll be fine.
i’ll walk along the shores of the beach and gaze upon the rising sun
and relax till the day is done.
breakfast and lunch will be brought out to me
it’s included in their fee.
a little scuba diving and some fishing too , these are the things i want to do
they say para -sailing is really fun , as you look down upon every one.
people waving at you as you climb higher into the sky
that is something i want to try , and when my feet are back on the ground
and the evening rolls around – a candle light dinner made for two
then love making the whole night through.
my other half was enjoying her day as she was pampered in so many ways
at the pool taking in the rays , then an early massage to relax her bones
something she never gets at home.
she had her hair done and a pedicure too- something that she wanted to do.
this was our first weekend getaway, but for a full week i’m coming back to stay.
(c) L . RAMS 072215


The judge asked : why was you speeding? Why was you going so fast? Why didn’t you ease up on the gas? Your honor : I was Driving Under The Influence Of her love. I felt like a shooting star up above. She has me intoxicated from head to toe I don’t know which way to go. She captured my heart and won’t let go Her love is all I know. Her love so mellow – so sweet , so fine I feel like I’m high on wine. If you are going to convict me for loving her Then I stand as guilty as can be For she has become a part of me. Sentence me to a life of love For she is the only one I could think of. She already has my heart in jail And I refuse to post my bail. The judge looked at me as I stood in place You are dismissed “ there is no case”.

nursing home dilemma

There was an article which came out of England about
An incident in a nursing home which I must tell you about.

In this nursing home like so many others that they have both men and women and of different ages and different illnesses and or problems.
Like so many of them they have game rooms, plays, talent shows
And take trips with the orderlies and nurses’
Every night they have their curfew hours for lights off
And the orderlies check on them every night.
This one particular night after he had done the bed checks
And was studying for an exam, he heard a strange noise
So he went to the first room down the hallway and he
Found the bed was empty. Concerned he checked the bathroom and still could not find this resident, so he went to the next room and found the same thing
He then started running from room to room and no residents were found
When he heard the noise again and followed it to the auditorium
And the voices then started coming out of the room.
He opened the door slowly and just stood there in total shock
As to what he saw.
There was an orgy going on and everyone was butt naked and
Having sex of every kind – the missionary. Oral. Anal and they was laughing and joking and didn’t realize that he had walked in to the room.
He blew his whistle startling everyone to a frozen stance
Nervously he grabbed his cell phone and called the owner
And the nursing staff and told them to come quickly to the auditorium
Everyone was still frozen where they was at when the staff came in
To see everyone butt naked.
Then laughter came from across the room from the oldest
Patient there who is ninety two years old.
When the head nurse walked over there and telling everyone to put their
Clothes back on, the lady looked at her and smiled.
The nurse asked her: why did all of you do this?
The lady still smiling said: we are pineapples!
Pineapples? I don’t get it?
Well we have layers of wrinkles on the outside like
A pineapple but we are “delicious on the inside”!
We are old, but we’re not dead yet!
Ha-ha did that blow your mind?
©L.RAMS 012915

parents revenge

this is about ABUSE and AGE

as you know there is so many different types of abuse and a lot of it is on seniors

we have the physical ,sexual, verbal, mental to name a few and the elderly parents can fall into two and many times three of the four listed’  we see children who can not , will not or just don’t give a damn about anyone let alone their own parents’

first may come the verbal abuse and then the mental abuse and finally the physical.

so this little poetic story is about parents getting even.


mom, dad – you lived your life so let me live mine

i’m not going to take care of you till the end of time.

I am young with so many things to do and no time to take care of you.

i’ll have to put you in a nursing home or an assisted living

maybe you could survive on what social security is giving.

I am packing your bags and sending you away, I can’t take care of you another day.

the father answered – my child since the day that you was born

we fed you, bathed you, changed your diapers and changed your clothes

because of the love we have for you.

now the tables are turned and you must do for us what we did for you

but if you don’t want to -” that’s o.k. too.

because we didn’t expect any more from you

we had bought a house in OLD MEXICO and that is wher

we both shall go, with our social security checks

we  can live like a king and queen and it’s the most beautiful house

that we’ve ever seen. we’ll have two live in servants

and a nurse, who will take care of us for better or worse

so live your life as you must, because we put our savings in a trust.

ha -ha  the joke’s on you son.

50 shades of gray – a husbands view

The missus bought a Paperback
…at Val Village, Saturday,
I had a look inside her bag;
….T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…..

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
…..I am the dominater !!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one”!!

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.